100 Times to Heaven and Back

Hey everyone! I realize I went silent after posting so much about the IVF process, and I'm sure it left some of you wondering what ever happened. As I wrote during the process, I felt healing, relief and support that helped me get through the difficult process of the actual treatment cycle, but what I failed to anticipate was the reaction and thoughts/feelings I would have once we found out the results. To spare you the suspense, and in case you hadn't seen it or heard it anywhere else, the cycle worked and I am pregnant! (Woohoo!!) The most important reason I am writing this post at all is to say Thank You to each one of you who went out of your way to add us to your prayers, your fasting, your thoughts, and more. I truly feel that it wasn't just our sacrifices and effort, but also the petitioning of so many others on our behalf that led to this outcome. So THANK YOU for your love, concern, and for the moments you thought of us and pleaded for us. For some reason (may

To go along with the fertility treatment procedures, the daily hormones and medications are a huge part of the process. I wanted to give you a basic idea of the medicines that are involved. This is an aspect of fertility treatments that can be very different for each person, and I can't begin to try to cover all the bases, so I'll just give you an idea of what it's been like for me. Birth Control Medication: Surprisingly, each of my frozen cycles have started with 3-4 weeks of birth control pills in order to regulate or kind of "reset" my hormones. They do the hysteroscopy/HSG during this time and then begin shots that will be described below. You do not take birth control pills at the same time as the hormones, this is just beforehand. FSH/LH: For a fresh cycle, you might be given daily FSH/LH hormone shots for the first part of the cycle in order to regulate the growth of either just a few (for IUI) or many (for IVF) follicles. Ovulation: In a fresh cycle

There are several surgical and non-surgical procedures involved in IVF. Again, not everyone does all of them. You only do the procedures that are relevant to your particular medical situation. I'll just mention those that I've been through because that's all I know, but there are probably additional procedures that aren't listed here. Hysterosalpingography (HSG): This uses ultrasound and x-ray together to examine the uterus and fallopian tubes. It is used to diagnose/rule out certain problems like blocked tubes, tumors, polyps, etc. and was also used for a practice run for our upcoming transfer. This is done while the patient is awake, with no pain meds. They inject dye into the uterus, then x-ray to see what the dye does. It shows if there is a tube blockage, and if there isn't, the dye just leaks into your abdomen and is absorbed by your body. Probably considered non-surgical. Uncomfortable but not too painful. Here's an example of the HSG procedure (Ima

When I started this blog I had every intention to provide more information about IVF. But when I really began thinking about it, I told Cody "I'm pretty sure if I start writing about IVF it'll convince me not to do it again." So I had to back off and not write about it for a while. Well, here we are doing another round. The LAST round (for a very long time at least). So I figured I would take this opportunity to tell you about it as we go. Please remember this is only one example of IVF. There are so many versions of this process, with different varieties of medications, procedures, protocols, using donor eggs/sperm, surrogacy, etc. Since this is our 4th time around and we're all so dang sick of this, we're going ALL OUT with many of the "bells and whistles" you can add into an FET cycle. (Yay me.) Just so you know, I have no intention to convince anyone of anything, so I'm not going to cite articles or research, share statistics, or use much m

First of all, I want you to know that I'm doing well. Truly, not just on the surface but I really am happy. Sometimes I think my musing on these posts gives the impression that I am still in the depths of the struggle, but I sincerely feel that I'm in a good place. And just I want to tell you about how I got to a good place so you better understand me, and so you see how I can relate to you. To give you some background, for a round of IVF you go through an uncomfortable set of hurdles in order to even have the chance to get pregnant. And what is the anticipated outcome? That you will indeed be pregnant (seems obvious right?). You put in a ton of work, and the day of the blood test/results is filled with an almost unbearable amount of pressure and stress. And for us, disappointment, shock, sorrow, confusion, etc. have been the continuous result. It has felt like the end of the world every single time. You don't think you can be in a worse place, then it happens again. The

In the past year I have grappled with several of the deepest questions of my life. In the process of grieving, healing, asking and searching some thoughts have come to mind that I want to write down for my own memory, and also to share with anyone who it could potentially help. Issue 1. I can't remember if I've already mentioned this in my previous posts, but I really struggle with the idea that's been perpetuated by many that trials occur in order for you to learn something. I understand that when I write it this way out of context, you might cringe and say "Well, yes and no" but I've heard it so many times. To me, there are some serious problems with this idea, including countless examples in which it seems inappropriate to apply this theory: what is an abused child supposed to learn? What is a person supposed to learn if they die from said trial (violence, terrorism, abuse, accident, etc.) especially if they die quickly/unexpectedly? All manner of violenc